No Place Like Home (Depot)

As a shopaholic, I have extensive experience with a vast array of retailers. But my favorite? Home Depot. Why? It’s an easy explanation.

1. Home Depot is a great place to pick up men. It’s so easy that you can pick them up in the parking lot, you don’t even have to go inside the store. And any man you pickup there is guaranteed to be more helpful than your ex-boyfriend. 

2. Home Depot’s clientele, their wide isles and their massive shopping carts always make me feel thin. Plus, all the oranges in the store cast a natural glow one everyone. 

3. It is very easy to make returns to Home Depot. One time I returned something I bought from Lowes to Home Depot. Neither the cashier nor I noticed until I found the actual receipt days later. 

4. My husband can never differentiate my Home Depot spending from his so many impulse buys fly under the radar. I have replaced the same palm tree four times and he hasn’t noticed.

5. Home Depot gift cards are an incredibly resourceful gift for literally any occasion, a DIY funeral, a break up, visiting someone in the hospital. There is no social situation a Home Depot purchase can’t solve. When we got engaged, my husband and I only registered for Home Depot gift cards. 

6. They sell designer wallpaper for a fraction of price. It was literally cheaper to wallpaper our nursery than paint it. Granted leaving the walls as they were would have been the cheapest option but I can’t live with someone else’s poor paint selection. 

7. Home Depot makes Hello Kitty house keys. There should be a line out the door based on this fact alone.

8. They send catalogs.

If Home Depot doesn’t check my DIY track record, then I think I have a great shot at getting sponsored. And what higher honor could be bestowed upon a Home Depot shopaholic?